{"id":2039,"date":"2023-07-19T17:55:54","date_gmt":"2023-07-19T21:55:54","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/forgivenesslab.com\/?p=2039"},"modified":"2023-07-19T17:55:54","modified_gmt":"2023-07-19T21:55:54","slug":"healing-soul-wounds-of-war","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/forgivenesslab.com\/healing-soul-wounds-of-war\/","title":{"rendered":"Healing Soul Wounds of War"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"\"

Scott Hutchinson and D. Glen Miller<\/p><\/div>\n

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(This content was first published in 2017 in Yago Abeledo’s outstanding site, Breathing Forgiveness: http:\/\/www.breathingforgiveness.net<\/a> ).<\/p>\n

Glen Miller<\/strong> is a veteran of the Vietnam War.\u00a0 He served as an Army Ranger Team Leader from September 1969-September 1970.\u00a0 Six men made up a standard Army Ranger combat patrol.\u00a0 Glen has also been\u00a0 an adjunct professor for Temple University’s Fox School of Business, teaching ethics and leadership courses.\u00a0 Glen founded Veterans Community Network of Montgomery County, PA in 2014, with his wife Mary.<\/p>\n

Scott Hutchinson<\/strong> has been a Pastor in the United Church of Christ for more than 32 years, serving local churches in eastern PA.\u00a0 He was a counseling professional for thirteen years prior.\u00a0 \u00a0Scott’s areas of focus and expertise include forgiveness, trauma healing, and peace education.\u00a0 Scott is co-founder of the COMPASS Healing Circle and the proprietor of The Forgiveness Lab.\u00a0 Scott is married to Debra, a U.S. Army Veteran.<\/p>\n

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“Well, I am almost through my first patrol. The jungle is hot and dense.\u00a0 For four days I have not been able to see more than a few yards ahead.\u00a0 Monkeys and snakes move suddenly and scare me but so far no NVA.\u00a0 It was my hope to earn my stripes with some action.\u00a0 This war includes killing and dying just like other wars, and I did not see any of that so far.\u00a0 Sarge holds up his fist for the five of us to stop.\u00a0 Our team is on the edge of the LZ.\u00a0 We have survived and will soon be extracted through a small clearing in Southeast Asia jungle.\u00a0 Sarge indicates that we we should sit and rest; eyes front, sides, and Pudge takes the rear.\u00a0 His face says we are never safe.<\/em><\/p>\n

I open up a can of peaches saved for this occasion, the end of my first Ranger patrol.\u00a0 I slurp some peach juice.\u00a0 Then crack, crack, crack of two weapons.\u00a0 Sarge and his point man kill a man on the LZ.\u00a0 I cannot see clearly but now there is just silence and the hum of the radio.<\/em><\/p>\n

Pop smoke!\u00a0 Roger, smoke out.\u00a0 Purple smoke!\u00a0 Roger.\u00a0 The chopper pulls into the LZ; I find my peaches and prepare to move out.\u00a0 Now, I see the dead man.\u00a0 I see no weapon.\u00a0 I get on the chopper.”<\/em><\/p>\n

Glen told this story in the Healing Circle.\u00a0 Glen, Scott, and others commit to Circle once a month.\u00a0 In Circle we tell our truth and truth continues to unfold.\u00a0 \u00a0Our spirits and souls are intertwined with these stories.\u00a0 The authors are:\u00a0 Glen, a Vietnam era combat veteran; and Scott, a minister and a man of peace with his own experiences in war zones and places of enmeshed conflict.\u00a0 Scott is a Strongheart for the Circle process.\u00a0 Stronghearts listen without judgment.<\/p>\n

Together we will use snippets of our year-long dialogue to explore journeys of healing from the soul wounds of war.\u00a0 We will pay particular attention to the relationship between forgiveness and atonement\u00a0 in addressing the crucible of war’s demons: namely betrayal, murder, killing, and fear.\u00a0 We do not intend to minimize the courage and honor that also accommodate the fog of war.\u00a0 However, our purpose is not with the positive stories.\u00a0 Our purpose is to illuminate the deep and unrelenting pain that many veterans suffer.\u00a0 Some may characterize the pain as moral injury.<\/p>\n

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Glen:\u00a0 <\/strong>Now days I reflect on that first combat patrol.\u00a0 In my gut I know that Sarge should not have shot that man to death.\u00a0 Forty-five years after the fact I know that I witnessed a murder.\u00a0 Murder is wrong and I was a witness.\u00a0 What do you do with that dreadful thought?<\/p>\n

Questions haunt me, particularly at night.\u00a0 Could I have done anything to stop the murder?\u00a0 Why do these things happen?\u00a0 Is it alright to kill someone that may be the enemy by night but searching for food by day?<\/p>\n

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Glen Miller as a soldier in Vietnam<\/p><\/div>\n

I do not expect answers in Circle.\u00a0 What seems to be working is deep listening and openness to difficult truths I am telling.\u00a0 Many times I wish that I had never questioned the killing.\u00a0 Nobody said anything about it when we got on the chopper.\u00a0 \u00a0The mood was that killing an innocent is just part of war.\u00a0 Could I be the only one that questions the morality of this act?\u00a0 Was my inaction a betrayal of my own conscience?\u00a0 Are there moral standards in war?\u00a0 Or perhaps a better question is:\u00a0 do immoral acts linger in the soul of then soldier?\u00a0 If so, and I think they do, what can one do to make amends?<\/p>\n

Scott:\u00a0 <\/strong>You have a flood of important, interrelated questions there.\u00a0 First, you are articulating—with considerable clarity–your own experience of moral injury, what we have called a “soul wound.”\u00a0 You are someone who participated in several dozen combat missions, events that continued to impact and shape your life over five subsequent decades.\u00a0 Post-traumatic stress has been\u00a0 daily reality for you and Mary over those years.<\/p>\n

Glen:\u00a0\u00a0<\/strong>So the killing of the innocent kid wounded me even though I didn’t shoot him?<\/p>\n

Scott:\u00a0<\/strong> Yes.\u00a0 Moral Injury can result when soldiers violate their core moral beliefs.\u00a0 The consequences can be devastating.<\/p>\n

Glen:\u00a0\u00a0<\/strong>I think that’s true.\u00a0 But I never thought about it that way.<\/p>\n

Scott:\u00a0\u00a0<\/strong>What is unsettling you now is that, forty-five years later, you are identifying this initial trauma as the one that substantially defines and frames your war year, and that may be the source of your greatest distress.<\/p>\n

Glen:\u00a0\u00a0<\/strong>Well, I had not thought about that first mission until Circle.\u00a0 I think the prompt for that night in Circle was about trust and betrayal.<\/p>\n

Scott:\u00a0\u00a0<\/strong>Though you have admittedly taken life in combat, what is most disturbing to you is that you witnessed what you now describe as the murder of an unarmed man.<\/p>\n

Glen:\u00a0\u00a0<\/strong>I know that I do not wake up at night thinking about killing NVA.\u00a0 I do wake up thinking about that kid coming back to get me.<\/p>\n

Scott:\u00a0\u00a0<\/strong>You ask yourself, “Could I have done anything to stop it?”\u00a0 It bothers you deeply that no one, including you, objected.<\/p>\n

Glen:\u00a0<\/strong> It is bothering me now.<\/p>\n

Scott:\u00a0 <\/strong>You asked if your inaction was a betrayal of your conscience.<\/p>\n

Glen:\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes, it is and it hurts.\u00a0 Right now I wish I had never questioned the killing.<\/p>\n

Scott:\u00a0 <\/strong>That is acknowledgement that you are grappling with material that is essential for your healing and for your commitment to live with integrity. Glen, if you listen again to your own questions, you’ll realize that they are not so much queries as they are testimony.\u00a0 They have implications for all of us!\u00a0 But let’s stick with you.<\/p>\n

Glen:\u00a0\u00a0<\/strong>Remembering is challenging and painful.\u00a0 I have witnessed immoral acts.\u00a0 I have killed in combat.\u00a0 And I have sinned.\u00a0 These acts and witnesses are a part of me.\u00a0 So how do I bring my full identity into congruence with the man I intend to be?<\/p>\n

Scott:\u00a0\u00a0<\/strong>“Forty-five years after the fact I know I witnessed a murder.”\u00a0 While you may not be able to identify every development that has led to this revelation, it seems to me that there is a measure of salvation for you in reclaiming the details.\u00a0 You also state with equal clarity: “I have witnessed immoral acts.\u00a0 I have killed in combat.\u00a0 I have sinned.\u00a0 These acts and witnesses are a part of me.”\u00a0 Your words are deeply confessional.\u00a0 Has sharing your story with me and in Circle enabled your confession?<\/p>\n

Glen:\u00a0 <\/strong>Sure.\u00a0 Talking with friends and veterans in the Circle has helped me remember.\u00a0 Talking with you helps clear up the mess.<\/p>\n

Scott:\u00a0\u00a0<\/strong>I think that the story of the first patrol ending in murder is an awakening for the deeper soul searching.\u00a0 The story demanding to come out was prompted by the sacredness of our Circle and our friendship.\u00a0 The first patrol may not have been your defining combat experience; but it is certainly revealed as your defining moral experience.<\/p>\n

Glen:\u00a0\u00a0<\/strong>I do feel guilty, like I did something wrong.<\/p>\n

Scott:\u00a0\u00a0<\/strong>When I hear the clarity of your statements and the language that you choose, I am reminded of our mission partner Chris, who was an Army Chaplain in Afghanistan.\u00a0 He suggested that to pastorally understand the problem facing returning veterans, we need need to wrestle with the term sin <\/em>and its meaning.\u00a0 \u00a0 That killing is an offense to our nature, an offense to right conscience.\u00a0 That sin seems to be the inevitable consequence of all war.(1)<\/p>\n

Glen:\u00a0<\/strong>Probably it is.\u00a0 It is confusing but sharing my confusion helps.<\/p>\n

Scott:\u00a0\u00a0<\/strong>Your story is a powerful commentary on what Chris has said.\u00a0 As I re-read his words I can also hear you: “So how do I bring my full identity into congruence with the man I intend to be?” This is so important.\u00a0 When we talk about the soul we are talking about identity at the richest levels of our self-understanding and expression.\u00a0 The soul is who we are as whole people; deeply human.\u00a0 Soul wounds are injuries–often severe–that do harm and distortion to that identity.\u00a0 In reluctantly identifying yourself as “sinner,” one who has witnessed immorality and has killed, you are claiming your history as someone who has wounded others and also incurred wounds.\u00a0 You are speaking truth and also claiming your moral agency.<\/p>\n

Glen:\u00a0 <\/strong>Well, it is a relief to remember.\u00a0 <\/strong>It also disturbs my sleep; but the witness of killing an innocent is definitely more disturbing than combat.<\/p>\n

Scott:\u00a0 <\/strong>The groundbreaking VA study that began addressing “moral injury” identified anguish, guilt, and shame as “signs of an intact conscience and self and other expectations about goodness, humanity, and justice.”(2)\u00a0 So your inner and increasingly articulated struggles are a sign of your moral health, Glen; a significant measure of well-being and intactness in the midst of the pain and confusion that has been a chronic state.<\/p>\n

Glen:\u00a0\u00a0<\/strong>Just remembering then is a step towards wholeness.<\/p>\n

Scott:\u00a0\u00a0<\/strong>Yes.\u00a0 The future can be different not in spite of the sin and woundedness but because of it and your willingness to claim it.\u00a0 Your truth illuminates broader truths.\u00a0 That you are a sinner in a society that is sinful and engages the sin of war with an addictive fervor.(3)\u00a0 But that is not all of who you are; neither is it all that your comrades-in-arms are or will be.<\/p>\n

Glen:\u00a0\u00a0<\/strong>I want to be less angry and more at peace.<\/p>\n

Scott:\u00a0\u00a0<\/strong>Is giving voice to your experiences helping you?<\/p>\n

Glen:\u00a0\u00a0<\/strong>Yes.\u00a0 Talking with you and reflecting on our Circle meetings is actually helping me remember.\u00a0 I am restless and sometimes have nightmares after our talks our Circle meetings.<\/p>\n

Scott:\u00a0\u00a0<\/strong>Judith Herman has written a classic book,\u00a0Trauma and Recovery.\u00a0\u00a0<\/em>In it, she teaches that post-traumatic healing involves reconstruction of a personal narrative.\u00a0 She calls the process “the restorative practice of truthtelling.”(4)\u00a0 I wonder if that is what is happening as you are sharing your story with me.<\/p>\n

Glen:\u00a0\u00a0<\/strong>I think so.\u00a0 More importantly, I trust you!<\/p>\n

Scott:\u00a0\u00a0<\/strong>And I am honored by the way you en-trust me.<\/p>\n

Glen:\u00a0\u00a0<\/strong>So again: how do I bring my full identity into congruence with the I intend to be.\u00a0 How does remembering and my truth telling help?<\/p>\n

Scott:\u00a0\u00a0<\/strong>You talked about our conversations and the Circle helping you remember.\u00a0 It also stirred memories and material that you have been holding for a long time.\u00a0 \u00a0The release can lead in the immediate to the restlessness you describe. Yet, in an environment that is trustworthy and non-judgmental, you are invited to deepen the journey.\u00a0 We might call this Re-memberment: restoration of that which has been fragmented and dismembered.<\/p>\n

Glen:\u00a0\u00a0<\/strong>Well, not remembering the murder for so long moves towards an unsettled feeling; perhaps broken apart from a bad memory.\u00a0 It is my desire to be whole. What do you think is next?<\/p>\n

Scott:\u00a0\u00a0<\/strong>The re-construction of your narrative opens up the possibility for you to understand and experience your story in new ways that offer possibility and are life-giving.\u00a0 Your words, as profound as they are, have been offered in the midst of a larger history and context.\u00a0 Being able to recover and re-tell a fuller story opens the door for release.\u00a0 Sharing it with others in an environment of trust makes it real.<\/p>\n

Glen:\u00a0\u00a0<\/strong>But what do you think it opens the door to?<\/p>\n

Scott:\u00a0 <\/strong>In my faith tradition, we call it atonement.\u00a0 It is helpful to break that term down: At-one-ment.\u00a0 It is movement toward wholeness.<\/p>\n

Glen:\u00a0 <\/strong>Tell me more.<\/p>\n

Scott:\u00a0 <\/strong>According to our friend Ed Tick, atonement is “performing acts of repair that bring what was separated, divided, or broken back into union . . .re-creating oneness within and between people and nations from the shattered bits of the worlds that are left after the aftermath of wars carnage.”(5)\u00a0 Glen, I think “within” and “between” are really important terms here.\u00a0 Your inner healing and actions taken to heal the world\u00a0 are inextricably tied together.\u00a0 With the process of your inner healing, we are working toward reconstructing a “whole story” for your life, rather than being locked in a fractured or reduced story defined by events that have traumatized you.<\/p>\n

Glen:\u00a0\u00a0<\/strong>Telling\u00a0 you what i feel about combat leads to more remembering.\u00a0 I feel the need to piece that together.<\/p>\n

Scott:\u00a0 <\/strong>You get passionate and energized when you talk about moral injury.<\/p>\n

Glen:\u00a0\u00a0<\/strong>That’s true.\u00a0 I want others to learn from my experiences.\u00a0 Other veterans could benefit and be more at peace in their own skin.<\/p>\n

Scott:\u00a0\u00a0<\/strong>I suggest that your outreach to veterans is atonement.\u00a0 It helps them while it helps you.<\/p>\n

Glen:\u00a0\u00a0<\/strong>It is healing.\u00a0 I have some nightmares but I’m more calm and at peaceful during the day.<\/p>\n

_________________________<\/p>\n

(1)\u00a0 Antal, C.J. (2013.\u00a0 Moral injury, Soul Wound, and Sin.\u00a0 White paper received from author, pp. 11, 13.<\/p>\n

(2)\u00a0 Litz, B., Stein, N., Delany, E., Liebowitz, L., Nash, W.P., Silva, C., Maguen, S., (2009).\u00a0 Moral Injury and Moral Repair in War Veterans: A Preliminary Model and Intervention Strategy.\u00a0Clinical Psychology Review.\u00a0\u00a0<\/em>29(8): pp. 695-706.<\/p>\n

(3)\u00a0 Antal, p. 14.<\/p>\n

(4)\u00a0 Herman, J. (1992).\u00a0 Trauma and Recovery. New York, NY: Basic Books, pp. 175-181.<\/p>\n

(5)\u00a0 Cousineau, P. (ed) (2011).\u00a0 Beyond Forgiveness: reflections on atonement.\u00a0 San Francisco, CA: Jossey-Bass, p. 116.<\/p>\n

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 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

  (This content was first published in 2017 in Yago Abeledo’s outstanding site, Breathing Forgiveness: http:\/\/www.breathingforgiveness.net ). Glen Miller is a veteran of the Vietnam War.\u00a0 He served as an Army Ranger Team Leader from September 1969-September 1970.\u00a0 Six men made up a standard Army Ranger combat patrol.\u00a0 Glen has also been\u00a0 an adjunct professor[…] <\/p>\n

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